CyberDavey
02-06-2008, 02:17 PM
Quntas airlines
>>> After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a
>>> "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft.
>>> The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the
form,
>>> and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never
>>> let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
some
>>> actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the
>>> solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is
the
>>> only major airline that has never had an accident.
>>>
>>>
>>> (P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
>>>
>>> (S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>>>
>>> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>>>
>>> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Something loose in cockpit.
>>>
>>> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>>>
>>> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
>>> minute descent.
>>>
>>> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>>>
>>> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>>>
>>> S: Evidence removed.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>>>
>>> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>>>
>>> S: That's what they're for.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: IFF inoperative.
>>>
>>> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>>>
>>> S: Suspect you're right.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Number 3 engine missing.
>>>
>>> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
>>>
>>> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
>>> serious.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Target radar hums.
>>>
>>> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Mouse in cockpit. (This one's great, too!)
>>>
>>> S: Cat installed.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
>>> midget pounding on something with a hammer.
>>>
>>> S: Took hammer away from midget.
>>> After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a
>>> "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft.
>>> The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the
form,
>>> and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never
>>> let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
some
>>> actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the
>>> solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is
the
>>> only major airline that has never had an accident.
>>>
>>>
>>> (P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
>>>
>>> (S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>>>
>>> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>>>
>>> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Something loose in cockpit.
>>>
>>> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>>>
>>> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
>>> minute descent.
>>>
>>> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>>>
>>> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>>>
>>> S: Evidence removed.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>>>
>>> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>>>
>>> S: That's what they're for.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: IFF inoperative.
>>>
>>> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>>>
>>> S: Suspect you're right.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Number 3 engine missing.
>>>
>>> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
>>>
>>> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
>>> serious.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Target radar hums.
>>>
>>> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Mouse in cockpit. (This one's great, too!)
>>>
>>> S: Cat installed.
>>>
>>>
>>> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
>>> midget pounding on something with a hammer.
>>>
>>> S: Took hammer away from midget.